I just had one of those days when things kept getting “in my way”.
It started in the morning when I was on the way to Aurora’s daycare. Right off the bat, a furniture truck blocked the road, a cyclist flew out into the street…a giant cement mixer pulled out on me. Seriously?! It was kind of hilarious; after I lost count of every dumb thing that kept popping out in front of me, I just started laughing!
Everywhere I drove there were road blocks from construction or other elements. All I could do was sit and wait until I could go. I don’t think waiting is a patience issue for me as much as it is a feeling of being trapped. When I can see a clear path ahead, but I’m stuck in a situation out of my control, I am filled with an urge to scream and run. It’s not just with driving, it’s in life. It’s beyond frustrating, and I’ve been taking the long, convoluted way for a while now. I’ve been making my life and personal growth difficult by having self-defeatist thoughts and soul-crushing beliefs.
I know life reflects the state of mind and belief systems I have; while waiting, I thought about how my physical and mental health is “under construction” and about how I block myself from being the true me. The message became more clear that obstacles, even self inflicted, are signs that growth and strength are needed to move forward. As I sat, waiting for the obstacles to clear, I didn’t react with my normal frustration gripes. I enjoyed the cool spring breeze blowing through the window. I could focus on Aurora, who was quietly reading and singing. I felt calm and realized that sometimes there will be periods of waiting, so simply enjoy the time and be grateful for the quiet moments in between.
Time seems to go by quickly enough; I know slowing down and being happy in the moment will make the process of healing more conducive to -healing-.
I’m not trapped in my body or with this current dis-ease..as a surprising result of it, I am more open than ever.
Open to change, to love and trust; to becoming my unimpeded self.